- Plan 'together time' to include outings together

When other demands eat into your relationship time, remind yourself about what you are missing, and tell your partner how unhappy you feel about it. Failure to express regret or to apologise, can cause the other person to feel invisible, worthless or neglected

- Use the time that you do have better. It is important to create and maintain relationship rituals

- Pursuers, avoid nagging about spending more time together. Bring up your concerns periodically, in terms for your hopes for the relationship, rather than bringing them up continually and criticising your partner's priorities

- Distancers, ask yourself what you hope for in your relationship and what it will take to fulfill these hopes. Think proactively rather than defensively about finding more time for your relationship

- Keep a record for a period of time, so you can assess how you are allocating your weekends, meetings and spare time. Share your findings and feelings with your partner, and plan for change if necessary

Adapted from: William Doherty, Threshold Magazine No79 December 2003 P 8-9

Separation and Divorce
The Three Stages of Intimacy
Self Worth
Reclaiming Your Relationship Time
Understanding Sexual Feelings