Curious about your sexual fantasies, attractions, and behaviour? Interested in intimacy? We all are. Being sexually attracted to another person is an exciting experience that can be sensual, physical and/or emotional. It embodies a wide range of feelings including affection, tenderness, love, pride, possessiveness, jealousy and fear.

Attitude
Our attitude toward sex is often influenced by messages we received growing up. Consider:
- how adults expressed emotional and physical affection around you
- the way adults differed in their sexual behaviour based on their gender
- what early messages you received about sex (verbal and non-verbal)
- the position of your religion and attitude of your culture toward sex.

Differences
Just as we all had different experiences growing up, we also approach sexuality differently. Preferences for how, when, and with whom we want to be sexual vary, as does what turns us on and turns us off. So does our level of desire: some people are easily aroused and would like to have sex more; others less. People also attribute different meanings to sexual thoughts, feelings, and behaviours, and what we consider "normal" varies significantly.

Sexual Fantasy
Fantasy is a common, normal psychological process. It also serves a purpose: it enables us to explore things internally that we may decide not to act upon. Sexual fantasies:
- are a means of exploration
- help us escape from the frustrations of daily life
- enable us to rehearse situations, and so can boost our self-confidence
- are useful in solitary situations
- can enhance an intimate relationship.

Recognise that your fantasies may cause you some discomfort. They may conflict with established values, seem outlandish or exaggerated when viewed rationally, or they may represent just one part of yourself (but one that is important not to ignore).

When Sex Isn't Rewarding
At one time or another (and sometimes often), you may have difficulty enjoying yourself in an intimate sexual relationship. This can occur for a variety of reasons, such as:
- having difficulty feeling good about yourself or your partner
- being troubled by the circumstances of the sexual experience
- drugs and alcohol: they can have side effects that affect your sexual interest or performance
- sex can be painful (if you have physical discomfort during sex, consult a physician).

Common Concerns
If any of the following issues are on your mind, you might want to talk with a therapist or counsellor about your concerns:
- confusion about your sexuality, and/or sexual attractions
- sexual thoughts that trouble you or make you feel ashamed
- having sex with someone though you didn't want to
- being attracted to people who hurt you, or to people you don't like
- feeling a need to consume drugs or alcohol before having sex
- concern that your sexual behaviour is different from others of your age or gender
- feeling uncomfortable talking about your sexuality when you would like to
- having difficulty setting limits when you have sex
- feeling like you're not really there when you have sex
- troubled by unpleasant sexual experiences in the past.

Adapted from: http://vaden.stanford.edu/topics_resources/cowell/sexfeelings.html

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